Feeling buried? I used to be, all the time. I still fight it. But one thing I have learned for sure:
The talent of many talented people gets wrecked by never mastering the art of saying no.
You are good? You get more work.
Still keeping up? You get even more.
And on it goes — until you collapse under the weight of your own commitments.
Or until you start refusing, in earnest.
Why capable people drown
Some people cannot turn down their boss. Some cannot turn down colleagues. Some cannot refuse friends, a partner, their kids. And some braid the whip themselves. They tell themselves things like “Nothing is impossible” or “Never give up” — and in the end the only thing they give up is quality, traded for quantity. They burn out, or simply stop enjoying the work they once loved. They forgot they cannot do everything. They forgot how liberating no can be.
You need to say no to yourself too. To your own ideas, your own projects, your own pet thoughts. That is the hard part, because ideas are like children. We love them. But killing ideas has a polite name: prioritisation.
No is not arrogance
Refusing is not easy, I know. It can sound harsh; you can come across as arrogant. That is why so many people fear that a no will make others like them less. But being liked only because you never say no means other people are living at your expense. Whose life is it — theirs or yours?
To some, no may sound too blunt. It does not have to be. You just have to learn the constructive no:
“I won’t be doing this, but I can point you to someone — or send you materials that should help.”
In time you will learn the plain no as well; it only takes a little empathy: “Sorry, but I already have a lot on my plate right now.”
Because saying no often means saying yes to yourself.